What pissed me off was that sex never quite seemed like how I imagined it would be.
There was so much desire in it to have it be something ongoing that when it was volatile it seemed backwards. The hotter it got the longer the distance became before the attractive magnetism came back. The harder I chased pleasure the faster it ran.
I have always been curious about sex. There was a time when my parents had a Bible study at home and I was in charge of the other kids my age. I started to ask questions and talk about sex. It was a disaster. I had to apologize to all the “religious” friends my parents had for even bringing up the subject. It was implied that you would be gifted with the knowledge of what to do when the timing was right, without anyone having the dirty task of talking about it.
I wanted to talk about it.
I wanted to figure this enigma out.
So, I spent the next twenty years doing just that. Sex was a mission of sorts and I knew the answer wasn’t in finding different partners and eventually found technique and “tricks” to be shallow and fickle.
Presence, awareness became the goal. It was a mutual shared experience in the Now that created pleasure. There was also a realization that orgasm was not the highest expression of Passion. There was something sublime in the soft, something burning hot in the calm waters of love. Orgasm was forgotten, and the forcefulness of lovemaking subdued. What resulted is a lengthening of a feeling of contentment. The mental red blinking light screaming for seductive passion and desire subsided, leaving a calmer mind to find a level of its own. It was like once the “sex box” in my mind was checked off, meaning it was complete and ongoing, I could use my mental power elsewhere.
There was a small phrase that have stuck with me in regards to sex, that might put this all into a sort of perspective. In Scarface with Al Pachino he says “when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” Like the end-game was getting the women. So, when you have everything, woman was the final prize. What if that is handled already? Does that make you more rich than someone with material wealth? I hypothesize that is the case.
If this core need is met, there is something powerful that is loosed that can be a great benefit to society. It is like once your biology is untethered from the drive to physically reproduce, something deeper, more meaningful can sprout.
A calm, content heart can give. And to give of the heart is to find happiness. What is hot and scarce will ensnare the mind and keep it tethered, but a man with nothing to lose is really free. Orgasm chains you to your body. There is bliss in letting that act go and regaining the strength that was once wasted.
There is a mental strength that grows when there is a “laying down of the sword” of performance and goals in regards to lovemaking. When passion flows from the Nothingness of inner Silence it is sweet and ongoing. A song that never gets old. There is a magnetism to your partner that grows deeper. The act may seem repetitive and bland on the surface but the inner landscape in flourishing with something subtle and sublime in a way words cannot convey.